Rules Of Engagement
by Not Really Yours
Summary: With their hectic families and friends, the wedding plans, ghosts, stalkers, and college, Naruto and Sasuke knew they were in for a ride when they got engaged. But now they were told there were rules to be properly engaged? NaruSasu AU
1. I Think It's Romantic

**A/N: **Here you go, Rules Of Engagement. A story I know many of you have been waiting for ;) The sequel of MTU will revolve around, as implied in the name, their engagement. But trust me, there's more to it than just that. New problems arise, funny and dramatic ones, and the awaited Minato-Fugaku clash!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Gah.

* * *

**Rules Of Engagement**

**Chapter 1: ****I Think It's Romantic**

* * *

Someone kissed him on the forehead. A voice followed the gesture, whispering softly, "Wake up, sweetie."

Sweetie? No one called him that, except his mother. It didn't sound like his mother, though. Who was it, then?

It was too much of an effort to open his eyes and see who it was, so he'd just wait until he/she/it did something else. It wasn't long before the person/animal/object moved to place butterfly kisses on Sasuke's neck, making the brunette smile slightly. That felt good.

"Come on, baby, wake up." Spoke the creature once again. So many endearments… Naruto would be jealous if he found out.

_Wait a minute…_

"Naruto?" He slurred, opening one eye to make sure he was right. Ocean blue eyes stared back at him, "What time is it?"

"Five in the morning."

"And what the fuck are we doing fucking awake, damn it?" Sasuke immediately turned to other side, shutting his eyes tightly, "Go back to sleep or leave me the fuck alone."

He heard Naruto chuckle, "No need to curse so much, S'uke. We're awake 'cause it's a special date."

Sasuke, even in his sleep, was a curious cat. What date was it again? It was February already, right? What happened in February that was so important to Naruto, enough to wake him at such an ungodly hour?

"I don't careee…" He drawled out, burying his face in his pillow. Naruto started stroking his messy ebony hair, "Yes you do, bastard. Make an effort."

"No."

Naruto sighed heavily, "Come on! I'll describe the scene for ya… February 14th, five am. We're standing on your porch and we're both crying our eyes out. The neighbour's garage band is playing _Freebird _and they are really good at it. I'm asking for forgiveness and you're actually accepting it, against all odds. We hug, we kiss, and we end up cuddling in your bed and freaking out Kurenai and Asuma when they come to wake you. Does it ring any bells?"

It was familiar, he admitted. The couple that had taken him in when he moved to Konoha was the most familiar. But not really.

"No."

Naruto huffed, "Good Lord. It's our anniversary today!" He planted another kiss on Sasuke's neck, "The valid one."

Naruto counted the day they got back together after their biggest fight ever as their anniversary, even though they had been sneaking around for a year before that.

The Uchiha groaned, "Our anniversary is on Valentines Day? How corny is that?"

"I think it's romantic," Naruto answered, "But anyway, you won't have to put up with that much longer." His voice was giddier when he talked again, filled with contained joy, "We're getting married and we'll have a new anniversary."

They had gotten engaged on Christmas at Oto, in the hospital after Sasuke got stitches because of the street fight he found himself involved in. He still didn't have a ring, and they hadn't told anyone about the engagement, but still.

Sasuke felt himself smile as a warm sensation filled his chest. Married.

They had gone through a lot to get to that. From an extensive cheating problem to issues between both of their fathers, and all in three days and surrounded by Sasuke's hectic family, but it was done.

"Now wake up, please. We have the whole day to ourselves. And I have everything planned."

Sasuke contemplated the idea. Spending time with Naruto sounded nice. And they wouldn't be interrupted at all? Even better. But the blonde didn't wait for his answer, as he took the sheets and pulled them away, uncovering Sasuke's naked body. The brunette hissed at the contact of his skin with the cold air and he curled up in a ball.

"Idiot, I'm naked!" He exclaimed, his voice a bit hoarse. He could _feel_ Naruto grinning, "Just the way I like you, believe it." There was some shuffling and then Naruto spoke, "Here, your boxers and my shirt. Wear that."

Sasuke sat up on the bed with some difficulty, and pouted, "Dress me."

Naruto snickered, "I'm used to going the other way around, you big baby, but I'll try. Now open your eyes."

Since Naruto was doing as told, Sasuke figured it was only fair if he did as told, too. He opened his eyes slowly, but in a first instance he only saw the black fabric of Naruto's shirt, until it was slipped on and he saw Naruto's face. The blonde smiled lovingly at him, "You look adorable in my shirt."

Sasuke loved when Naruto praised him in any way. He leaned in and kissed Naruto sweetly. They broke apart with their noses touching, "I'll get the boxers then."

He stood up and took the boxers from Naruto, and then put them on swiftly. He kissed Naruto again once he was done. The blonde pulled away and took Sasuke's hand in his, "Let's go. I made you breakfast."

Sasuke raised a sarcastic eyebrow at him, "Is it ramen?"

"Hey, I can cook other stuff if I follow the instructions on the cookbook, asshole. I just choose not to." Naruto defended himself, pouting a little.

* * *

Naruto stroke many people as a hopeless romantic. In a way, he was. Not a traditional hopeless romantic, however, as Sasuke had managed to learn over the years. Things like anniversaries and dates weren't his thing, and Sasuke, ever since they got together in high school, was fine with it, because he wasn't too much for it either. But he liked that stuff, and had always hoped Naruto would see it.

He had finally seen it. Sure, it had taken his imaginary friend talking to him again to realize it, but he finally saw it and that was what mattered.

Naruto had made onigiri for Sasuke, his favourite food in the world. It was sublime, if you asked him. After the breakfast, they decided to take a long hot shower together, which led to, of course, sex. Afterwards, they dressed and undressed a thousand of times, and made and unmade the bed a thousand more ---if you know what I mean---, until it was nearly noon and Naruto, being the responsible one for once, made them stop so he could take Sasuke to enjoy the rest of their day.

It was snowing softly, and the streets of Konoha looked lovely. They went to the park, where Naruto paid for a carriage which took them around for two hours, while they kissed and caressed and hugged and mumbled sweet nothings in the back. To get some late lunch, they went to the new restaurant of their chef friend, Akimichi Choji, who gave them a special anniversary treat just for them in a secluded table, and it was obvious Naruto had spoken to the guy beforehand.

Fully awake, Sasuke remembered he had bought a present for Naruto. He gave it to him after they finished lunch. It was a simple silver bracelet with different charms, charms that represented stuff only Naruto could figure out, and thankfully he did, and started wearing it immediately after giving Sasuke a tango kiss.

When they were out of the restaurant, they went to a special place to make t-shirts. Sasuke couldn't help to find it odd--- it wasn't the normal place one took their loved ones on Valentines Day/Anniversary, but he wasn't complaining. Naruto was odd. They made themselves a couple of hippie shirts, but then Naruto took a plain white one and told Sasuke to make a simple red spiral on its front. Sasuke did, and he was surprised with Naruto giving him a black t-shirt with the Uchiha crest in the back as some sort of thank you gift for the shirt. They left laughing with their four new shirts.

They went back to their apartment, and after lots of discussing about it, they decided to order a pizza. After eating it, they decided to rest while watching their favourite movie, _Across The Universe_. They sang every song together with the movie, softly, singing just for the other to hear. It was a very romantic moment, and Sasuke's favourite so far. During the credits, Naruto joked, saying he was Jude, and Sasuke was Lucy, but the Uchiha disagreed. After all, who was the foreign of the relationship? He was by far more artsy than the blonde, and whenever he absently drew on his notebooks, it was always a strawberry. Naruto was an idealist like Lucy, ready to fight for what he believed in. Besides, they were both blonde.

"Fine, _Jude_," Naruto answered, "You win." 'Jude' smirked, tasting his victory. 'Lucy' pulled his lover closer to him, nuzzling his neck. He hummed, pleased, "I love you." He informed the other, and then grinned a little, "And I want you so bad."

Sasuke smiled and kissed the top of Naruto's head, "I love you and want you so bad, too."

"By the way, I haven't given you my present yet," The blonde cleared his throat, a bit nervously. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him, "You don't really have to. This day was amazing, and I couldn't ask for more."

"I do have to," Naruto retorted, pulling out a little black box from the large pocket of his hood, "How else are we gonna be _officially_ engaged?"

Onyx eyes widened, and Sasuke found himself frozen in the spot, as Naruto opened the little box, revealing the ring. The blonde cleared his throat yet again, "I wanted to get you the biggest diamond in the store… But my budget wasn't the greatest and I saw this one and thought it was perfect for you. If you don't like it, we can go change it…"

It was a silver band, with an shining diamond in the middle, and two smaller diamonds on each side. It was simple, but Sasuke had to agree--- it was perfect and he loved it.

"Put it on my finger." He told Naruto, who was blushing a pretty pink. The blonde nodded, and did as told with shaky hands. When the ring was on, Sasuke couldn't help it, and shrieked with joy as he threw himself against Naruto, glomping him. He had never been so happy in his life! The only happiness that could compare was the one that filled him when they first kissed, even though it was such a clumsy and rough one.

The moment was cut short surprisingly, as their doorbell was rung. Both sighed simultaneously, as they stood up to answer whoever was calling. Naruto looked through the peephole, surprised at who he found.

"Who is it?" Sasuke asked. Naruto didn't answer, and instead opened the door to let Sasuke see for himself. The brunette's jaw dropped.

"_Obito_?!"

"Wazzup, Little Rave'?" Uchiha Obito chirped with a big goofy grin plastered on his face. Sasuke kept looking shocked, "What are you doing here?!"

His cousin shrugged, "I came to Konoha for the day to see Kakashi. I'm going back to Oto now, and I'd thought I'd stop by and say hi to you two before I left! How's it going, Naruto?"

"Great, never been better," Naruto answered, grinning back. He wasn't lying. He let Obito in, "Welcome to our home sweet home." Obito looked around the room and smiled.

"Nice place you've got yourselves here. Mind if I sit down?" He didn't wait for an answer and just sat on the couch, but winced. From behind him, he pulled out a little black box, "What the---?" His eyes widened like saucers, "---I have seen this box before."

What? Obito was figuring it out? No! He couldn't! They weren't ready to tell everybody yet! Sasuke hid his hands behind his back, while Naruto shoved his hands on his pockets, the former because of the ring and the latter because his hands were shaking terribly.

Obito opened the box, but as he found nothing in it, he shrugged and left it on the table next to the couch. Both Naruto and Sasuke let out a breath they hadn't realize they were holding in.

Sasuke cleared his throat, "I'll just take this pizza box to the kitchen…" He mumbled, already making a move to get the carton from the table, but Obito stopped him, "No, it's okay! Come and sit next to me!" He grabbed the ring hand--- he was going to find out! But Obito didn't say anything as he made Sasuke sit next to him on the couch, while Naruto sat on the other side of Obito.

"So," Obito began cheerfully, "It's the international day of couples! What did you two lovebirds do?"

"Well, uhm, we went to the park, then had lunch, made some t-shirts, then came here, ordered a pizza and watched _Across The Universe_." Naruto answered. Put like that, it really sounded like nothing, and he winced, "With lots of other stuff in between."

"Cool," Obito seemed satisfied with their day, "Kakashi and I spent the day in bed. And did you get each other presents or you leave that for when it's your anniversary?"

"Actually, our anniversary is today." Sasuke said. Obito raised an eyebrow, "You're anniversary is on Valentines Day? How corny is that?"

"I think it's romantic," Naruto muttered.

"If it's your anniversary and Valentines Day, I suppose you got each other something, right?" Obito asked, "What did you get?"

"I got Naruto a bracelet with charms." Sasuke answered. Obito nodded and turned to Naruto, "And what did you get my cousin, Naruto?"

Naruto gulped, "I-I… I got him what was in the box." The Uchiha didn't seem to be understanding at first, tilting his head to the side and looking confused as he was. But then, his eyes diverted to the little black box he had encountered before and then to the hand Sasuke was so eager to hide from view. Something in his mind clicked.

"Oh my God, you two are _engaged_!" Obito exclaimed, bewildered. He made a pause, "Engaged on Valentines Day, how corny is that?"

"I think it's romantic!" Naruto protested.

* * *

The next day was a normal day. The night before they had made Obito swear he wouldn't tell anyone about their engagement until they were ready to do so, and Obito had accepted ---"Engaged since _December_?! You know how to keep a secret, eh?" He shook his head, "Okay. Let's keep it that way."---, so there was no danger there.

No one seemed to perceive any change. Even though Sasuke wore the ring around, none of their friends noticed it, and if they had, they didn't comment on it. They had no reason to be staring at the Uchiha's hands anyway, so why would they notice unless the couple told them?

Naruto and Sasuke had made themselves a break from classes at the University to discuss which family to tell first. It would be a delicate subject, after all. But they agreed that each would tell their own family the good news when the time was right for them to tell.

It was nice to be secretly engaged. They knew something nobody else knew, a secret between the two of them, and it made them feel a little powerful and very special.

That night, they reached their apartment, and so far, no one knew anything. It felt good. But of course, when they got home, there was a surprise waiting for them.

"Our message machine is full, Naruto," Sasuke whispered, noting the red light coming from the object in question. Naruto went over to it, and pressed the button to hear the messages.

"_**Hiya! This is Sasuke and Naruto you're reaching. Right now we can't talk to you because we're having hot steamy sex.**_"

"_**No, we're not**_."

"_**Don't ruin the tape, you asshole! Uh, anyway, y'all know what to do, don't ya? All you have to do is leave your thang right about… Now**_!"

**BEEP**!

"_**Hey, it's Kiba. So I heard you two are engaged since your trip in Oto! Were you planning on tellin' us about it or you were gonna get married secretly, too? Congratulations. It was about time.**_"

**BEEP**!

"_**It's me, Sakura, and you two are in so much trouble! How could you not tell me you guys got engaged?**_" A huff, "_**Well, regardless of that, I'm really happy for you! Congratulations!**_"

**BEEP**!

"_**Shikamaru here. Kiba told me you got engaged and didn't tell anybody. How troublesome. Can't say I didn't see it comin'.**__"_

**BEEP**!

"_**Hey, you, it's Anko and Iruka! You got engaged! We're sooo happy for both of you! So, Sasuke, I'm guessin' you're the bride**_?"

**BEEP**!

"_**Hi, I'm Kakashi. Obito called me last night and told me you were engaged now, so congratulations and my best wishes to both of you. Am I invited to the wedding**_?"

**BEEP**!

"_**NO, SASUKE-KUN, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET ENGAGED**_?!"

**BEEP**!

"_**Hey, Fishcake and Raven, it's Shisui. So like, Obito ran his tongue. Anyway, our whole family got on their cars and are going to Konoha right now, and Tekka, Inabi and I are leaving to go there now. Just thought I'd warn you. By the way, congratulations. We promise we won't wreck your wedding that badly. I hear your anniversary was yesterday, on Valentines Day. How corny is that**_?"

**BEEP**!

"I think it's romantic." Naruto mumbled absently.

* * *

**A/N: **That's the first chapter. It was easy and fun to write, and you get an idea of what it's going to be like :) Where's the Uzumaki family, anyway? Don't worry, you'll hear from them too soon enough! 'Till then, buh-bye!

**---Not Really Yours**


	2. My Grandparents' Sex Life

**A/N: **So I've just started high school and it promises to be quite the year. To add to that, I'm off to London for two weeks, so cool, but it's gonna make things at school tougher to deal with for a while until I get settled down again. As a warning, it may become more difficult for me to update, but I probably end up updating just as fast as I have always done. But just to be safe, I'm telling you--- if I don't appear in two months or more, it's not that I've abandoned ROE. I don't have it in me to abandon it.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. We've gone through this millions of times.

* * *

**Rules Of Engagement**

**Chapter 2: My Grandparents' Sex Life**

* * *

There was an insistent knocking on their door. It was non-stop, with an even quick rhythm, and it had been going for five minutes now, making Tsunade wonder who had so much energy to do that. The first name that came to her mind was Naruto. What could the brat have done now? The only reason he visited them nowadays was because that eternal boyfriend of his made him or because he needed a place to crash.

And where was that perverted husband of hers, damn it? Jiraiya had yelled a long while ago that he would answer the door, but the knocking continued, so she guessed that he hadn't and wasn't planning to. The old blonde woman sighed heavily. The hospital had been really busy lately, and she was trying to catch up with _America's Next Top Model_. But of course, as usual, she'd have to sacrifice her happiness for the happiness of others.

She stood up from their comfortable couch, turning off the TV because she didn't know how long she would be gone. The annoying knocking, just as nerve-wrecking as her grandson, didn't stop once on her way to the door, only a few feet away, even though she kept saying, "I'm coming, I'm coming…"

Tsunade opened the door, getting knocked on the forehead by Naruto, who hadn't realized the piece of wood was long gone from in front of him. Next to him, Sasuke rolled his eyes and sighed. Naruto grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head, "Sorry, baa-chan."

There was something about that grin. Tsunade attributed it to her grandmother heart--- once she saw that grin, it seemed Naruto could do no wrong in her eyes, and boy, did he fuck up a lot or what?

The blonde woman crossed her arms and frowned, although she was smiling a little, "Brat, what did you do this time?"

"It wasn't me, believe it!" Naruto exclaimed, and then pointed to Sasuke, "It was his entire cousin's fault, 'cause the guy can't keep a secret! I had nothing to do with it!"

"You had nothing to do with it?!" Sasuke repeated, disbelieving and angry, "You were the one that practically told him, moron!"

"I did not!" Naruto defended himself, "I merely told him I got you what was in the box!"

"Oh, and _that_ isn't a big clue at all, right?" Sasuke bit sarcastically. Naruto instinctively stepped back, "I thought Obito wouldn't catch the idea!"

"How couldn't he? He's an Uchiha! It's genetically impossible for us to not notice stuff like that!"

"_You_ don't get most of the implies Kiba makes…"

"Honestly, Naruto, who does?" Sasuke retorted, "When he tells us one of his supposedly hot adventures as a ladies man, he uses so much slang and shit even a rapper would have trouble understanding whatever the fuck he's trying to say."

Tsunade cleared her throat.

"Okay, boys," She said with a tired voice, as if she had done this a million times and was bored of it, "Tell me what happened."

"Your grandson here proposed to me and found nothing better than to tell my big-mouthed cousin when we wanted to keep it secret," Sasuke explained, all the while glaring at a nervous Naruto, "Now my whole family is coming and we need a place to hide."

"Yeah, that sounds like something Naruto would do," Tsunade commented, "Come on in."

They did, muttering insults to each other. Tsunade closed the door and went back to the living room, sitting on the couch, but she didn't turn on the TV. Instead, she motioned Naruto and Sasuke to sit with her.

"I give you my condolences rather than my congratulations, Sasuke," The woman began a bit grimly, "It's tough enough being related to the brat. I can't imagine being married to him. Although you two practically are married already, you just don't need a bunch of paperwork if you wanna split."

"Yeah, well, thanks. But I find it strange that you can't imagine it--- you _are_ married to a brat, after all. You've been married for… Quite the while." The brunette answered. The corner of Tsunade's lips twitched, "I suppose you're right. But at least your brat isn't a pervert."

"He is, he is," Sasuke corrected her, "He just doesn't know it."

Naruto looked back and forth between the two of them, then finally gave up with a sigh. Tsunade and Sasuke always did that--- exchanged a few words in an utter coldness, but it always seemed to Naruto as if what they talked about was some sort of inside joke, and they were cracking up inside. However, it was a very passive-aggressive inside joke, in a way, because they insulted each other so politely, and the other seemed so tranquil about it…

There were loud, fast steps coming from the stairs, and the three saw Naruto's grandfather, Jiraiya, panting and obviously rushing to open the door. He was about to do so, when he casually looked over to the living room to see what Tsunade was doing when he saw two familiar faces.

"Naruto and Sasuke? You guys are really here?" Jiraiya didn't hide his shock and surprise to see them--- they hadn't been there for Christmas, for New Year, but they were over for… What was the closest holiday? Valentines Day?! He was pretty sure it was their anniversary that day, fact he had always found quite romantic, even though Tsunade thought otherwise.

"Hey, old pervert." Sasuke answered with the greatest familiarity in the world. Naruto waved and grinned. Or grinned and waved. Whatever.

Jiraiya just stared at the two of them for a long time. Then he spoke again, "Are you guys here to accept my offer of being in the cover of my yaoi Icha Icha Paradise?"

* * *

When it was midnight, Naruto remembered the reason he had stopped visiting his grandparents on his own will.

After clarifying Jiraiya they weren't there to become the cover of a gay erotic book, they were actually there to hide because they were engaged now, the old man had decided they had to celebrate. It wasn't that much of a party, being just the four of them drinking champagne and talking about the future, but Naruto was left exhausted, and by nine the blonde and the brunette decided to go to bed. And Tsunade offered the guest room right under Jiraiya's and her room.

Sasuke fell asleep right away ---"It's so fucking tiring to convince your grandmother I'm _not_ wearing a fucking dress…" He said, and Naruto turned away from him so he wouldn't see the nosebleed---, and Naruto entertained himself by watching him.

It was strange. The more tired Sasuke went to bed, the more stuff he did while he was asleep. The blonde had suggested once it maybe was some sort of sleep disorder, but after surfing through Wikipedia and finding nothing useful, they had given up. But anyway, that was the way Sasuke was, and it was often very amusing for Naruto to watch.

But after three hours of staring, something within Naruto happened that everyone thought it was impossible--- he grew tired of watching Sasuke and tried to sleep.

So he pulled the brunette closer by the waist, smiled pleasantly to himself and closed his eyes, ready to go into dream land. The second he did that, however, odd sounds started coming from above, followed by even odder movements of the house.

His grandparents' house, you see, was old. With paper-thin walls. And his grandparents, you see, still had that sexual spark. With lots of toys and stamina.

So yeah.

Sasuke, of course, was sleeping through it, the bastard. And Naruto was growing uneasy, because it sounded like they were having a really good time. A better time than Sasuke and he would ever have.

It was kinda hurting his ego.**(1)**

"OH, _JIRAIYA_!"

His grandmother had really good lungs. Sasuke never screamed that loud, it sounded like people in Oto could've been able to hear it.

Suddenly, he felt the need of proving Tsunade and Jiraiya Sasuke and he had a sex life just as great as theirs. So he started shaking Sasuke, already taking off his shirt to get ahead.

He could be blonde, but he could multi-task just fine, thank you very much. Not like the Uchiha, he couldn't talk on the phone and write something down at the same time. It was really funny.

"What do you want, moron?" Sasuke's groggy voice mumbled, "Wake up. We're gonna have sex." Naruto said and the brunette groaned, as if he wasn't looking forward to it at all.

"Can't we do that t'morrow?"

"We'll be probably gone by tomorrow, S'uke. We need to keep moving so they won't find us and I really wanna teach the old hag and the pervy sage I can do that too!"

"Do _what_?"

"Blow your mind," Naruto answered simply, "Now come on!"

"Naruto, remember how when we were coming back from Oto you gave me a speech about how our relationship wasn't all about sex and you made me promise to never let you molest me? I think this is molestation."

"Shit," The blonde cursed, "I had forgotten 'bout that…"

Sasuke was already sleeping again. Naruto sighed heavily. He obviously wasn't getting any sleep tonight until the two sex maniacs upstairs gave it a rest, and it could be a long time before that happened.

So what to do, what to do? He decided to play a little on his cell phone, he was building a city in Tower Blocks.

But Naruto took the cell phone and realized there was one new text message from an unknown number. With a huff and convinced it had to be an offer from his service, he opened it.

_**You're still on the police's records, Naruto. And your friend Kiba is easy to crack.**_

Was it him, or those were sirens that were coming under Jiraiya's and Tsunade's sex sounds?

* * *

**(1) **I bet you all thought he was gonna be uncomfortable and having terrible mental images xD

**A/N: **Have you noticed I have ended both chapters with phones? Anyway, I think I made it pretty obvious who's coming. Sorry it is too short, but it felt like a good place to end it :/ Anyway, I don't think I'll update before going to London, but you know me. By saying this, I'll probably end up doing so.

**---Not Really Yours**


	3. Make Some Noise

**A/N: **I'm back from London! It was great :) The only downside to it is that the very day I return to school I have a test ---gah--- and I have to study… So I decided to update before I go to school on Tuesday!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. But I went to London.

* * *

**Rules Of Engagement**

**Chapter 3: Make Some Noise**

* * *

"Deidara, Itachi, gather your stuff!" Fugaku barked as he passed the corner they had been hanging out at, "We're off to Konoha immediately!"

"We are, yeah?" The blonde asked, surprised, "What for?"

"We need to save Sasuke before it's too late and they get to him," Fugaku explained vaguely as he went up the stairs of the station to his office, "I´ve already ordered the chopper so if we're lucky, we'll be able to save them both."

"Father? What are you talking about? Is Sasuke is danger?" The eldest Uchiha brother questioned, already frowning with worry.

"I'm afraid he is, son," Fugaku opened his office's door and instantly bolted in for his desk. He opened one of the drawers and took out his gun, "Grave danger."

Deidara's eyes widened. How could it be? An arrest order had already been filed against Orochimaru! The guy wouldn't be so dumb to go to meet his victim again, would he? Or maybe it was another of his goons?

"Those motherfuckers you encountered at the fucking bridge, Sakon and Ukon, sang like fucking birds and revealed the fucking names of the rest of the motherfuckers in their shit gang, Sound Five," Hidan had told him earlier that day, "We arrested all those fuckers! But, shit, between you and me, Dei, I think Orochimaru has to have more motherfuckers under his fucking command."

"You think, yeah?" Deidara had answered, "If I was a criminal boss, I wouldn't like to have that many subordinates, yeah. Maximum ten, yeah!"

Hidan had smirked, "And we've only caught five of those cocksuckers."

There was reason to worry!

"But Father," Itachi exclaimed, "It's in Konoha! Why are you handling it?"

Fugaku couldn't help it. He blushed.

Itachi raised an eyebrow at the older man, "Father…?"

"Because these criminals stole one of our patrol cars, and I rather get it back myself before Konoha police even notices them." Fugaku replied after a moment of silence. Itachi crossed his arms, "Patrol cars get stolen all the time, Father. You don't have to be embarrassed about it."

Deidara cleared his throat, "Itachi, it's his son. He wants to save him himself, yeah, that's all!"

"Don't defend him, you!" Itachi refused to look at Deidara in the eye ever since Christmas, "There's something fishy about this and I'll find out!"

Come to think of it, it was kind of suspicious. Who would take the time of stealing a patrol car at Oto and then drive it all the way to Konoha? The two cities were ages away! The guy could've stolen a regular car to do it, if he was in Oto at the time Orochimaru assigned him the job. Or drive their own car. Or take the bus, which was by far the cheapest option of them all.

"Boss, yeah! I'm not going anywhere until you tell us the truth, yeah!" The blonde found himself suddenly demanding. Fugaku budged almost instantly ---Deidara was learning the man was really easy to convince--- and groaned.

"The thefts are my wife and my sister-in-law."

Silence.

"…Come again, yeah?"

"My wife and my sister-in-law," Fugaku spoke slowly, as if talking to a five-year-old, "Stole a patrol car so they could kill Sasuke."

More silence.

"…Uh?"

"And they took my nephew Shisui as a hostage, because they caught him trying to warn Sasuke."

Even more silence.

"…I can't believe I'm saying this…" Itachi muttered under his breath, and then spoke louder, "We have to save Sasuke! Mother in wrath mode is the worst monster one can possibly encounter in this life and the other!"

"Great." Fugaku nodded, "Now, good news and bad news. The good news is that I know exactly where to find Sasuke and Naruto both, thanks to the blonde leaving all his possible addresses and the address of the friend, Inuzuka Kiba, we could contact when he was questioned. The bad news is Mikoto and Uruchi know it, too."

"So we have to get going now." Itachi declared, and nodded mostly to himself, "I'll go load my gun with those soft bullets so we won't hurt Mother."

As Itachi walked away from them, Deidara turned to Fugaku one last time, "Sir, why does your wife want to murder her own son, yeah?"

"Sasuke failed to mention he's been engaged to Naruto since Christmas."

Itachi's head snapped up at the end of that sentence, shock all over his face. Then he emitted a sound that resembled a menacing growl, and instead of taking out one gun, he took two, a box of soft bullets and other of real bullets.

"This one," He pointed to the gun he was loading with soft bullets, "Is for Mother. This one," He left the other gun on the closest desk, and started loading the second one with the real bullets and a scary glint in his eyes, "Is for that blonde idiot."

Deidara felt for Naruto. He really did.

"Let's go," Fugaku started, "If we leave now we'll be there by midnight!"

* * *

Glazed onyx eyes did their best to focus on the small luminous screen of the cell phone Naruto was presenting them, scanning each number one by one and then the whole combination, trying to recognize them once they were all together. The silence was tense, even though the background was filled with moans and pants and police sirens and it would've brought weaker men to a fit of giggles like a little kid at their first Sex Ed class.

"That's Shisui's number," Sasuke finally stated, giving the cell phone back to the altered blonde, "Can I sleep now?"

"Shisui? What would he send such a weird text?" Naruto asked, glaring suspiciously at the phone. He opened the message again, re-reading it over and over. Sasuke sighed as all response. Naruto continued, "He was the one that warned us your family was coming."

"I know, moron. I was there, remember?"

"This text has too much of a ha-ha-we've-found-you-losers tone to really be from Shisui…" Naruto frowned, ignoring Sasuke completely. He gasped suddenly, "What if they have captured Shisui?!"

"So they have Shisui and probably know where we are," The brunette waved it off, "Whatever. We'll escape early in the morning."

Naruto sighed heavily as Sasuke pulled him back to him and leaned his head on the blonde's shoulder. Yeah, they would do that.

But after a few seconds of silence, he realized that the sirens had stopped. And there were strange red and blue lights coming from the window that gave view to the street. And someone was banging loudly on the front door, but rather than knocking, it sounded like they were trying to bring the door down.

Was that a helicopter coming closer and closer? It was even drowning his grandparents' sounds! If Naruto didn't know better, he'd say the thing was right above the house…

"_**NARUTO, SASUKE, WE'RE RIGHT ABOVE THE HOUSE**_!" Fugaku's familiar voice boomed, "_**WE'RE HERE TO SAVE YOU**_!"

"_**FUGAKU, STAY OUT OF THIS**_!" This time it was Mikoto's voice the one booming, though it seemed her voice came from the street.

"_**MIKOTO, BE REASONABLE! THEY JUST DIDN'T TELL US ABOUT IT RIGHT AWAY, BIG DEAL! IT WASN'T LIKE WE DIDN'T KNOW IT WOULD HAPPEN!**_" Fugaku tried to make his wife reason, but she screamed again.

"_**THEY HAD THE OBLIGATION TO TELL ME IMMEDIATELY! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME HAS BEEN WASTED?! WE NEED TO MAKE THE INVITATIONS, PLAN THE RECEPTION, GET A VENUE, A BAND, DECIDE WHO'LL WEAR A DRESS**_---"

It went on something like that. Naruto rubbed his temples and Sasuke mumbled something along the lines of them making far too much noise.

"Naruuu…" The Uchiha slurred, and Naruto sighed, his cheeks already tinted pink. Nothing good came out of Sasuke calling him Naru. The last time he had ended up wearing butt-less leather trousers around Konoha. And the time before that, he had ended up doing a puppet show at a kid's birthday with Sasuke fondling with him behind the screen. And the time before the time before that, he had ended up buying a really weird sex toy he had never really seen being used, but the incredibly satisfied look on Sasuke's face whenever he had had time to use it was enough to make him jealous of the thing.

"Yes, Sasu?" The blonde answered. Two could play that game.

"Tell them to shut up." Naruto's eyebrows shot up. That was all? No perverted petitions that revealed Sasuke as he really was and that was the Prince Of Perverts?

"---_**SO NOW I THINK YOU AGREE WITH ME NOW THAT WE HAVE TO KILL SASUKE! NOT TELLING US WAS HORRENDOUS, DON'T YOU AGREE?! AND FOR YOUR SAKE, YOU BETTER AGREE, FUGAKU**_!" Mikoto kept on screaming.

"_**I STOPPED LISTENING WHEN YOU MENTIONED DRESSES**_!" Was her husband's reply. The woman huffed through her loudspeaker.

"_**THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF IT ALL!**_"

Naruto decided that yes, he would shut them up. Between all the sounds of the chopper, the screeching voices of both his parents-in-law, sirens from police that probably had been called by the neighbours, dogs barking and howling, he could still hear his grandparents doing it, oblivious to everything that went around them.

Damn. He wanted to do that.

He opened the window that gave to the street, and suddenly all the sounds became even louder. Naruto winced. He was getting a headache.

The helicopter's bright light focused on the window, startling Naruto, "_**NARUTO! GO INSIDE OR SHE'LL KILL YOU!**_"

"SHUT UP!" Naruto screamed the loudest he could, but not even he could hear himself properly, "WE'RE TRYING TO SLEEP!"

"_**WHAT?**_" Both Fugaku and Mikoto asked at the same time. Naruto winced again, "I SAID, **SHUT UP**!"

"_**I CAN'T HEAR YOU**_!" Mikoto said, "_**SPEAK LOUDER! MAKE SOME NOISE, DON'T BE AFRAID! I WON'T LET MY HUSBAND ARREST YOU FOR DISRUPTING THE PEACE, BUT I WILL KILL YOU ANYWAY**_!"

From both ends of the street, Naruto saw at least a dozen of patrol cars, labelled KGPD to signal they belonged to Konohagakure Police Department coming their way, each one with their sirens on.

It was at that moment that Naruto realized silence was truly golden.

* * *

"_**In other news, a bizarre episode that took place in a suburban neighbourhood of the city of Konoha has shocked everyone. A deranged woman travelled all the way from Oto in what seems to be a stolen patrol car from that city's police department with her sister-in-law and her nephew, just to stop at her son-in-law's grandparents' home and start screaming what neighbours described as 'wedding nonsense'. It was later reported that the woman's husband, chief of police in Oto, took a helicopter and went after her, only to join the screaming match. The woman, identified as Uchiha Mikoto, was arrested along with her sister-in-law, Uchiha Uruchi, while her nephew, Uchiha Shisui, was let go after it was revealed both women had him as hostage. Uchiha Mikoto's husband, Uchiha Fugaku, was fined for improper use of expensive police material. Our sources have told us this strange event was all because the couple's youngest son, Uchiha Sasuke, failed to tell them he had gotten engaged with his boyfriend of years, Uzumaki Naruto.**_"

"So much for secrecy, eh, Sasuke?" Naruto tried to joke with the brunette as he stared at the TV most of Konoha's police was gathered at, quietly laughing, ones more openly than others.

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you like this chapter. It suddenly took an unexpected turn while I was writing, but I like how it turned out xD

---**Not Really Yours**


	4. The Blonde Beast & The Raven Creature

**A/N: **Ello! Here I am, in a sudden bout of inspiration in the middle of trying to catch up with school… But whatever, all distractions are welcomed. I hate school. I spent a great deal of my time painting and re-painting my nails with different nail polishes, but now that's over, let's write!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Wishing ain't enough.

* * *

**Rules Of Engagement**

**Chapter 4: The Blonde Beast & The Raven Creature**

* * *

"---_**Police in Oto, took a helicopter and went after her, only to join the screaming match. The woman, identified as Uchiha Mikoto, was arrested along with her sister-in-law, Uchiha Uruchi, while her nephew, Uchiha Shisui, was let go after it was revealed both women had him as hostage. Uchiha Mikoto's husband, Uchiha Fugaku, was fined for improper use of expensive police material. Our sources have told us this strange event was all because the couple's youngest son, Uchiha Sasuke, failed to tell them he had gotten engaged with his boyfriend of years, Uzumaki Naruto**__._"

"No wonder you didn't want to introduce me to your family!" Kakashi exclaimed, amused as Obito blushed and looked away, "They're one crazy bunch indeed."

"Yeah…" The Uchiha sighed, "I still feel bad, though. I mean, I was the one that caused the whole thing single-handedly. And now the whole world knows we belong in a mental hospital!" Obito scratched his cheek, "And all because Naruto and Sasuke got engaged."

"Serves them right," Kakashi said, rolling from his side of the bed to invade Obito's, throwing himself on top of the brunette, "For stealing _our_ moment of glory."

Obito half-frowned and half-smiled, "How were they supposed to know we got engaged too? I wasn't wearing the ring when I went to visit them so they wouldn't know until we told my family…"

Kakashi kissed Obito's neck softly, mumbling against it, "Still, sweet revenge it was telling everyone about their engagement. Keeping the spotlight to themselves…"

"Now, now, let them be," The Uchiha scolded the other man, "Haven't you realized how turbulent they are yet? They'll end up breaking up out of pure impatience if we make them wait for their turn to get married. 'Sides, it'll be tons of fun watching them be dragged around by my Ma and Auntie Miki to plan the whole thing, don't you agree?"

Kakashi chuckled and nodded.

"And waiting is what we do best!" Obito continued proudly, "I mean, we know each other since we were thirteen, we were friends 'till eighteen, figured out our feelings 'till twenty, and only started dating three years ago." He sighed again, "The fastest we ever moved in this relationship is you meeting my family and getting engaged almost immediately after!"

"Well, when you put it that way…"

"I know," Obito tried to wiggle away from Kakashi, "Now, excuse me, but I have a bus to catch."

"A bus?" Kakashi repeated, "To go where?"

"The police station, of course." Obito smirked, thing he never really and it made the silver-haired man forget to breathe for a second or two, "After all the scandal made, do you really think Sasuke or Shisui are gonna be willing to bail those women out?"

Kakashi groaned and buried his nose on the Uchiha's neck, "Let Naruto do it!"

"Sasuke won't let Naruto do it, you idiot," Obito answered, his hand caressing the silver hair softly, "Have you ever dealt with him when he's not only angry, but ashamed as well?"

The man thought for a few moments, and then finally sighed in defeat, "Fine… But let me take you. That way someone will protect you from the terrible Blonde Beast and the horrible Raven Creature!"

The Uchiha grinned, "The whole Konoha police department will be there to protect me from the terrible Blonde Beast and the horrible Raven Creature, 'Kashi."

"Obito, right now to the terrible--- _Naruto and Sasuke_ you're their biggest enemy. Let me put it this way: to Sasuke you're like an electric guitar during a death metal concert. Not only is he there to see you get smashed, he's there to see you get smashed, burned, and offered to the devil--- and you _will_ be smashed, burned, and offered to the devil. And to Naruto, you're like the snitch in _Rocknrolla_, while he is Brick Top from _Snatch_. Not only will he kill you by letting crabs to eat you, he's also going to revive you so he can chop you to pieces and let his hungry pigs eat you again."

Obito's grin got wider, "Kakashi, you're exaggeratin'. I'm sure there will be no references to satanic cults or Guy Ritchie movies whatsoever."

* * *

Oh, had he known he was so wrong.

Because when they got to the police station and saw the couple in question, the Uzumaki Death Glare™ and Uchiha Death Glare™ were combined to form a Super Duper Mega Ultra Death Glare™, and Kakashi whimpered miserably like a puppy while Obito hid behind him with tears in his eyes, awaiting the end of the world itself packed in that glare just for the two older men.

And Obito had to admit he understood Kakashi's examples. Sasuke was looking as furious as a cocaine-maniac punk rock star that had been riling up during a very long concert, and he was already on his angriest song, letting the emotions overcome him and smash his guitar, burn it, and offer it to the devil.

Naruto looked like a lunatic and sadistic criminal mind that was planning coldly how he was going to get rid of the traitors, thinking up the most gruesome death he could come up with, then imagining how he would enjoy chopping the bodies ---if the death hadn't chopped them already--- and feeding them to his pigs and crabs.

"Sweet revenge isn't so sweet after all, eh?" Kakashi tried to joke when he found his voice again, but it cracked in middle of the sentence. Obito didn't even bother to nod, as he just tightly held the other man's hand as he directed themselves behind the cop who was kind enough to guide them to the cells were his mom and aunt were locked up at.

In the way, they met with Fugaku and Shisui. Shisui was telling Tekka and Inabi via phone how everything had gone down, while Fugaku was teased by his Konoha counterpart, some guy named Yamato. Neither of them made eye contact with Obito and Kakashi, fearful they would be victims of the terrible Blonde Beast and the horrible Raven Creature if they showed any sort of kind of possible sympathy.

"Here you go," The cop said as they passed some cells with shady-looking guys, "Uchiha Mikoto and Uchiha Uruchi. Ladies---"

"---Obito!" Uruchi cried out, stopping the cop from continuing, "Finally, you are here!"

"I was never as happy to see you as now, Obito," Mikoto admitted, relieved, "Now let us out."

"Only if you promise you'll protect us from the two monsters outside!" Obito asked, somewhat desperate, "Just looking at them was too much for us, Auntie Miki! And Shisui and Uncle 'Gaku ignore us, fearful something will happen to them! You two are like, the only ones that aren't scared by them!"

Mikoto raised an eyebrow, "What about my honey?"

"Itachi? Haven't seen him," Uruchi replied for her son, "Are you sure he was there when we were arrested?"

"Well, the TV there," Mikoto pointed to a TV hanging from a corner of the small cell, "Said he was with my husband. And so was that lovely young man, Deidara, remember him? He helped us cook during Christmas."

"Fugaku's personal slave! Of course I remember him!"

"Ladies, please, focus on us right now." Kakashi asked, "The point is we can't protect ourselves, and if you don't do that for us, you'll just have to wait that your husband Teyaki comes from Oto and bails you."

Uruchi snorted, "My husband, bail me out from jail! He would rather be chopped down to pieces and fed to pigs and crabs before that happens."

"Teyaki always stroke me as the type that would prefer to be smashed, burned, and offered to the devil like a guitar in a death metal concert, though." Mikoto added.

Kakashi and Obito shared a significant look.

Naruto was short-tempered, that was true. There was no point on denying as obvious as that, really, when he could call anyone a bastard or an asshole just because his coffee was too bitter.

He was a bitch when it came to his coffee.

Still, there were not many things that got actually angry and furious. Almost nothing, really. Even when his father was suddenly popping into his life like nothing had happened, even when Sasuke taunted him and fought with him, even when he was starving and the only type of ramen available was a vegetarian tofu one, none of those things ever had made him blind with rage--- even though the ramen one had been pretty close.

He was cool with everyone and everything. There was nothing life could throw at him that could get to him, and that was a fact Naruto was proud of.

But _this_…

Obito had no right at all to say anything! And the least they could deserve now, after everything, was to get to enjoy their engagement by themselves, if only for a few days!

Naruto's train of thought went on something like that, sometimes repeating ideas and all, but still, it served to the purpose of fuelling his true wrath.

Sasuke was even worse. His whole aura seemed to be screaming for some bloody murder, and this only augmented as Obito and Kakashi walked through the door of the station. Hadn't they been surrounded by cops, the two men would have been smashed, burned, offered to the devil, chopped down to pieces, and fed to crabs and pigs.

He wasn't sure where that idea had come from, but he liked it.

And then, Obito had bailed out Uruchi and Mikoto to protect him from them… It only served to make Naruto angrier! His whole body was tense as the two women and the scaredy cat came up to Sasuke and him, and the blonde was really trying to restrain himself from jumping the Uchihas in general--- three of them because he was angry and wanted to kill, and one because he was too sexy for his own good when he was mad.

"Sweetie." Mikoto said coldly to her son, not sparing a glance at the blonde. Sasuke just nodded in response.

That was when things got unexpected.

"**WE'RE GETTING MARRIED**!" Sasuke and Mikoto squealed in perfect cue with a high-pitched voice that Naruto was sure it was one notch away from being heard only by dogs, and then mother and son began bouncing on the spot cheerfully, giddy grins in their faces as they kept giggling and squealing.

In the back of his mind, Naruto suddenly realized he was going to do exactly the same when he saw his own mother.

"This doesn't changes anything, Obito!" He exclaimed, aching to get back his masculinity and toughness. He was the seme, damn it! "We're still gonna kill you, understood?! You violated our privacy and that is like, in the Humans Rights, written into our Constitution!"

"So what are you gonna do?" Obito taunted, feeling much bolder now that at least for now the horrible Raven Creature had been defeated, "Report me to UNICEF?"

"Well, maybe I just might report you to UNICEF!" Naruto answered, not so sure of himself, yet still angry. He was going to add an insult, like traitor or crab food, but he couldn't, as someone turned the volume up on the station's TV again, to listen to something they were saying on the news.

"**---**_**Third robbery on a store in this street this very week, but this one is somewhat different. A jewellery owner has been taken as a hostage and held at gunpoint by who our reports say are Oto's policemen. So far, very little communication has been made with the kidnappers, but as the criminal himself revealed, to, and I quote, 'teach this idiot a lesson not to sell my foolish little brother's boyfriend a ring so they can get engaged'.**_"

* * *

**A/N: **To all of those who haven't seen _Rocknrolla_ and _Snatch_ yet, sorry if I ruined it a little bit for you. Someone was wondering where Itachi had gone off to. Well, there you go! :D

**---Not Really Yours**


	5. Blonds That Think

**A/N: **I've had the most horrifying week ever. I have no idea why, but from Monday on things seemed to go downhill. I had tons of homework at school, my mother went into the hospital, I've had headache after headache, and everyone around me is freaking out over this sickness that has the world at the edge of their seats even though we're nowhere near it. And there's no pistachio ice cream left! D: Hopefully writing this chapter will cheer me up.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. I do not own any pistachio ice cream right now either.

* * *

**Rules Of Engagement**

**Chapter 5: Blond****s That Think**

* * *

"Itachi, yeah, is this really a good idea? We shouldn't leave your father alone, yeah…"

"Father will be fine, Deidara. Now let's go."

There were eight words in those sentences. Deidara had counted them over and over again just to make sure. Eight words. Eight words couldn't do that much harm, could they? No, they couldn't hurt anyone. Even in the mouth of Uchiha Itachi they didn't mean much.

Because eight wasn't really a transcendental number! One word—'no'—could shatter one's world, two words—'I'm sorry'—were the hardest ones to say, and three words—'I love you'—could be the most beautiful things one could ever hear. But _eight_ words? Who had heard such a thing as eight words?

Plus, it was Itachi. Sure, he was a nut job like his family, but at least he was a self-controlled nut job.

Except when it came to Sasuke, apparently.

"You should have known this would happen," Itachi spoke angrily, scolding him. "You should have warned me."

Deidara stared at him, disbelieving. "We kidnapped someone, yeah. What exactly did you expect to happen? For everyone just to agree with us, yeah?!"

"Yes. I did expect them to agree," Itachi answered matter-of-factly, and Deidara had never before felt such an impulse to just punch him square on the face.

"You're unbelievable, yeah," He mumbled finally, crossing his arms and leaning back on the stiff plastic chair he had sat on. It was in moments like these that he wondered what the hell had he seen in Itachi in the first place. Whatever it was, it was awesome, if he was putting up with this and actually joining the brunet in his little missions of terrorizing cities and giving the Oto police a bad name for it.

God, he hated loving Itachi.

After the Konoha police had come around Naruto's grandparents' house and took everyone to the station—save for the grandparents themselves who were busy doing stuff loudly—Itachi had taken advantage of the confusion to escape from the station. He already had to deal with Sasuke, what did he want another angry Uchiha for?

Deidara had foolishly decided to follow him. In reality, there wasn't much else he could do. Stay and mingle with other cops? He thought not. He did that every day, and it wasn't really interesting nowadays. Stay and talk with Naruto and Sasuke? That was a death wish. Stay and wait with Fugaku? He wasn't going to choose being with his boss over being with his eternal love any day.

So they had gone together to kidnap the jeweller. And now they were under arrest.

Well, it wasn't really arrest. Yamato, the chief in Konoha, had explained them between snickers that it was really to protect them.

"At least the blond kid has his mother now and they're giggling and dancing all around the station, but the brunet is still seething," Yamato said. "His parents are on the way, but still, it'll be a while before we get a solution to The Mom Problem. Stay here in my office 'till he isn't angry."

It would be a long time before that happened.

A _really_ long time.

Normally, Deidara wouldn't have any objections of spending time with Itachi. He still loved the guy, that was clear to everyone, and even if he only received indifference and irritation back he still liked to hang out with the Uchiha. Just being with him was nice.

What was bothering Deidara about Itachi right now was how he had absolutely no regard for what the blond would feel about his whole kidnapping plan. Or how hefelt about Itachi assuming that Deidara would participate in said plan.

It was enough having Fugaku acting like the blond didn't have a mind of his own. He didn't need Itachi to do it, too.

Deidara sighed tiredly. Itachi raised an eyebrow at him. "What's with the sighing?"

"Nothing you care about, yeah." Deidara replied rather dryly, surprising the brunet for a few seconds.

He answered, "But I do."

"Nah, yeah," the blond insisted, a slight smirk tugging at his lips. "You don't care, yeah. You're just curious."

It was Itachi's turn to sigh. "Ah, you know me too well."

"We used to be in a relationship, remember, yeah?"

"I have bad eyesight, but my memory's great, Deidara."

Deidara immediately frowned at that, but there was an amused glint in his eyes. "Yeah, right. Your memory's great when you need to remember bad stuff, yeah, but you're terrible remembering the nice things I do for you, yeah."

Itachi almost pouted, but restrained himself on time. "I remember the nice things you do for me all the time!"

"Name one, yeah."

Itachi didn't have to go very far back. "You helped me kidnap a man for a terrible reason."

Gray-blue eyes rolled. "Oh, that, yeah."

The Uchiha smirked back in victory. The friendly argument would have continued if it wasn't for the fact there was a commotion coming from outside Yamato's office. Both Deidara and Itachi looked over to the door and then to the window, trying to see through the blinds.

"Open them, yeah." Deidara told Itachi. Itachi glared at him, as if saying _'how dare you order me around_?', but either way he opened them.

The sight that greeted them was, well, one of a kind.

There was Naruto, bouncing cheerfully along with a redheaded woman squealing and giggling as Mikoto and Sasuke watched them, shaking their heads with half-smiles.

They would never do something like Naruto was doing now, of course.

* * *

As he walked through the doors of the police station, Namikaze Minato couldn't help but to feel uneasy. Really, nobody blamed him, because the last time he had been here was for drug possession and that was an experience he never wanted to live through again.

Treated like a criminal, when he didn't even know those lollipops that girl had given him at the party had been ecstasy… He really hadn't known!

But ever since that episode, he had been clean. There had been no need to step inside the station, except of course, that one time Naruto had called him and asked him to pick him up. Now that he thought about it, his son had never mentioned why he had been there in the first place, but Minato remembered seeing those teammates of his there, too.

Kushina often said it almost seemed as Minato had developed some sort of phobia of police in general. He couldn't say he didn't see where she was coming from—he supposed some sort of suspicion had to arise after he had a panic attack just because a cop had said 'hi' to them—but still he would deny it with all his heart. She thought it was cute.

However, as he was saying before he had to explain his life story, he was uneasy as he walked through the doors of the police station. Kushina had been the one to answer the late (or was it early? It was 3:00 a.m.) phone call, and she had refused to tell him what it was about until they got here.

The first person he saw was Uchiha Fugaku.

He was quite different from the last time Minato had seen him, but that had been almost twenty years ago, so it made sense. His hair was a shade lighter than back now, and he had frown lines on his face. He wasn't nearly as scrawny as then, either. Now he had some muscle.

Minato hadn't changed one bit. His hair was longer, but apart from that, he was still the same guy than he was during their youth. So if the Uchiha decided to look his way, he'd be certainly and most assuredly doomed. If Minato had been Fugaku and he saw himself walk through the door, he'd jump and kill himself.

But Fugaku wasn't watching him. He was talking to another man, probably in his twenties, who looked like Fugaku to an alarming degree. Well, better for Minato.

It was then that Kushina, next to him, squealed in a rather high pitch that made her nearly-husband cringe—they had never married, they couldn't bring themselves to commit to each other like that—when she saw their son Naruto walking towards them. He looked pissed off and tired until he saw his mother, and then started bouncing and squealing with her.

It was then that Minato saw _her_.

Like himself, Mikoto hadn't aged. The only different thing there was about her was that her hair was much longer than before, but that was okay with Minato. He had always thought she should have let her hair grow. Fugaku had always thought so, too—maybe he had been the one to finally convince her.

Something inside Minato decided that it was better if he didn't see her. They hadn't talked in a long time, and they had ended on bad terms, so why would she want to see him now? Kushina had always been able to deal with whatever Naruto and Sasuke's messes had been, he'd just wait in the car and—

"Minato! Come here!"

—he loved Kushina. He really did.

The blond man forced himself to grin as he walked over to his son and his redheaded mother. He realized Sasuke was also with them, shifting his eyes from his own mother to Naruto and then to Minato himself. When his eyes met Minato's he attempted to smile, but failed pathetically.

"What's up, people?" He asked cheerfully as he reached them. Naruto grabbed Sasuke's hand and started bouncing again. "We're getting married!"

No surprise there. Minato had seen it coming from the first time he had met Sasuke.

"Finally, eh? Great to hear!" He joked, chuckling a little. He looked around. "So… Any good reason to tell us this in the police station?"

"Minato, of course there's a good reason!" Kushina scolded him, a vein throbbing in her left temple. "Naru-chan wouldn't call us at 3:00 a.m. while in the police station to tell us he's engaged for nothing! Would you, Naru-chan?"

Sasuke smirked at the nickname his mother-in-law had for the blond. Naruto blushed. "Mom! Don't call me that!"

"She won't call you that if you tell us why you called in the first place, Naruto," Minato assured his son.

Kushina nodded vigorously and exclaimed, "I promise!"

"That would be my fault…" Mikoto spoke for the first time to them, a little shyly. Her voice was a little squeaky. "…There was a little mess and we had to come to the station. It is over now, though. We can all go home peacefully."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at her. "'Little mess'? 'Go home peacefully'? Hn, yeah right."

Mikoto blushed and looked away. "Okay, 'big mess' and 'go home to be bothered by me again'. Better, sweetie?"

"Much better. And I don't think you have met." Sasuke looked to Minato and Kushina and then to his mother. "These are Naruto's parents, Kushina and Minato."

Mikoto and Naruto shared a look. Right, Sasuke didn't know about his parents' love story. They had forgotten to tell him, after the whole mess with their fights and their engagement and Christmas in general.**(1)**

"Hello!" Kushina smiled at Mikoto immediately. She had caught the idea, and decided she wouldn't take Sasuke out of his ignorance. "You must be Mikoto! We've heard wonders of you and your cooking!"

"Have you now? That's great." The Uchiha answered with a smile. "I'm glad Naruto liked my food while he stayed with us!"

"How could I not?" Naruto wondered with a foxy grin. "Despite the conversations that arise while eating, it was the greatest food I ever had, Mikoto-san."

Kushina feigned being offended. "You like her food better than mine, Naru-chan?"

"Of course I do. She calls me Naruto, not Naru-chan."

"Naruto is '_fishcake_', idiotic son. The way I see it, she's insulting you."

Naruto's eyebrows shot up, surprised. "But you named me Naruto!"

"Actually,_ I_ did, son." Minato cleared his throat as he spoke and then mumbled, "Sorry about that."

Naruto glared at his father. "Oh, did you now?"

Minato didn't like something about the expression on the other blonds' face right then. He couldn't figure out what, though, so he nodded with a grin.

"Then, let's go meet Sasuke's father, Fugaku!" Naruto stated, and the grin on Minato's face instantly faltered.

Oh, this was going to be _great_.

* * *

**(1) **It's true! I checked!

**A/N: **How will Minato and Fugaku handle their reunion? What will happen with Itachi and Deidara's relationship? What about Naruto and Sasuke? All this and more next chapter I hope! It did cheer me up writing this thing :) And in the process, my grandmother came around with pistachio ice cream so I was really cheered up! :D Bye bye!

—**Not Really Yours**


	6. A Little Bit Of Love

**A/N: **My inspiration fountain has been so dry lately! I'm dying inside! D: So sorry if this chapter doesn't turn to be what you wanted. This isn't beta'ed, because it's really just a filler :P So don't be offended, Trina!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Then again, neither do you!

* * *

**Rules Of Engagement**

**Chapter 6: A Little Bit Of Love**

* * *

"Fugaku, Minato, Minato, Fugaku." There was a silence and then Sasuke spoke again, "You're supposed to say how nice is to meet each other now."

Both father cleared their throats at the same time, uncomfortable as they stared at each other, evaluating how they were doing.

Fugaku looked tired--- Minato didn't blame him, it was really late/early. He still held that almost angrily prideful look that had defined him way back when, but now he looked much more tranquil, even though his face right now held an expression of shock. He seemed a little more built ---Minato had always thought Fugaku was a really skinny guy and should have gained more weight, which he obviously had--- and his hair was a tad longer. No major change really. Had it really been twenty years? Because they felt like only five.

Minato looked nervous--- Fugaku didn't blame him, he would've been nervous too if he was going to meet the husband of the woman he had had an affair with, thing he would never do because _he_ unlike others was very honourable. The man hadn't aged at all, and it only seemed like he hadn't gotten a haircut a long time ago. He needed a haircut. But overall, nothing seemed different. Had it really been twenty years? He'd only say five.

There was more silence. It was Kushina who exclaimed exasperatedly, "Well, what are you waiting for? Greet each other!"

The Uchiha decided he was going to beat Minato at being the better person by putting his hand out first and saying, "Hello, Minato."

Minato was wary before shaking the offered hand vigorously. "Hello, Fugaku."

And more silence. Naruto nearly sighed--- even a dumb five-year-old boy with the attention span of half a fly would have been able to figure something was up by now. But neither his mother**(1)** or Sasuke seemed to have noticed anything, for the former was curling a strand of her hair with her finger while the latter was playing with his fingers by pushing them back as far as they could.

"Fugaku is a policeman, Minato," Mikoto said just to make the silence less unbearable, "And you're a fire-fighter, right?"

"R-right."

"You both serve the community by saving lives! Whaddya know?" Mikoto laughed a little to herself and Kushina grinned excitedly.

"Minato is the best guy in his station!" She boasted without any sort of modesty, "He was promoted to captain a week ago!"

Minato scratched the back of his head ---much like his son--- and grinned sheepishly. Fugaku raised the feared Uchiha eyebrow at him. "What took you so long?"

The grin immediately faltered from the other man's face. "I was always a little, uhm, inconstant with my job. I quitted really early in my life from it and went around the world. I just started working again when Naruto was fifteen."

"Only five years," Sasuke clarified. "How long it took you to become chief, Father?"

All eyes turned to Fugaku suddenly. The man looked around and blushed, ashamed.

"Uh, only… Thirteen years or so." Minato grinned mentally from ear to ear as he danced happily around his mind. He won!

"Police force is much harder than my dad's, I'm sure." Naruto commented with a grin, and his father snapped his head to him with a stone dead expression. _What_?

Always the subtle one, Kushina exclaimed, "Sounds like a fight is boiling over here! Let's go home, Minato. That way you'll blow off steam with sex."

"KUSHINA!"

"MOM!"

"What?!" Kushina whined, oblivious. Just as the words had come out from her mouth she seemed to realize what she had said, and covered her mouth with both hands as her eyes widened like saucers.

Mikoto smiled sympathetically at the red-head. She did the same thing she did, speaking so honest truths like that. But she always got better responses--- maybe it had to do with the fact that her family was really twisted.

"Okay, anyway, let's go home." Minato finally agreed with a sigh. He turned to his son. "Congratulations on your engagement, son."

Kushina and he started to leave. Thank God that was over. He had never felt so awkward in his entire life! He had felt like he was going to pass out! Thankfully, it was a situation that wouldn't repeat itself any time soon. It wasn't like Naruto and Sasuke would get married and Fugaku and Minato would be in-laws and would have to deal with each in a rather regular basis.

…

"Oh, shit." Were the two words that left the blond man's mouth before he suddenly fell on the floor. He had fainted.

* * *

"I can't believe them!" Naruto exclaimed, still fuming and waving his hands around to emphasize his disbelief, "I just _can't believe them_!"

Sasuke only nodded absently to agree. He knew Naruto wasn't really angry, but rather just pretending to be--- it had something to do with keeping his manliness after his little bouncing episode with Kushina earlier in the police station. The Uchiha didn't understand what the big deal about that was ---he had done it too and he felt no need to get back his manliness like the other boy---, but he suspected it was related to being seme.

Sasuke recalled many times when Naruto had been completely and utterly incapable of doing, well, anything that would please Sasuke in bed and other places because something had destroyed his man pride.

Like the pickle jar. Their friend Sakura had been able to open it, but Naruto couldn't. Even though Sasuke had tried his best to convince the blond it didn't matter ---"Haven't you seen any movies? It happens to everybody!"--- he had been crushed.

Remembering, the Uchiha snorted. Naruto turned to him, grumbling, "What's so funny?"

"You are." Sasuke smirked.

They were walking home. It was almost four am now, and the streets of Konoha were deserted. After everything that had happened, they had thought it would be for the best if they disappeared mysteriously for a while, just only they could get some sleep and eat something. Their families could survive on their owns, and if they couldn't, they had the police right there to help.

Naruto pouted cutely. "What did I do now, Sasu, that could possibly amuse you so much?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Just you. You're hilarious."

"Come on, bastard, there's gotta be a good reason! You don't do anything without a good reason!"

"Why should I need such a thing as a reason?" Sasuke asked, tilting his head to the side innocently. Naruto's pout intensified, "Because that's the way you are, asshole, believe it."

"You seem to know me pretty well, eh, loser?"

The blond laughed and exclaimed, "Ha! Maybe we've only been together for two years, but we're twenty and I know you since we were fifteen! That's five years with you! Of course I know you pretty well!"

"Five years already!" Sasuke cried out, as it was exhausting just to think about it, "That's way too long! We need to break up already!"

Naruto turned suddenly serious, as he took Sasuke's hand into his and squeezed it. "Don't say that. I wanna spend my life with you!"

There was a strange feeling that took over Sasuke then. It was kind of like nervousness, only more unpleasant. Regardless of that, he smiled at Naruto and squeezed back.

"Anyway, we're here!" Naruto grinned as he pointed to their building across the street. Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "We leave that close to the police station?"

"I know a shortcut. Kiba needs me to bail him out really frequently, after all."

"I know," Sasuke frowned, "You bail out from me to bail him out, remember?"

"Sorry." Naruto rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Can I give you a kiss to make it better?"

Before the blond could react, the Uchiha grabbed him by the hem of his shirt, pulled him down and pressed his lips against Naruto's, whose eyebrows shot up in pleased surprise. He responded to the kiss eagerly, wrapping his arms around Sasuke's hips.

But it was cut off before the real fun even began. Sasuke broke away without any real explanation to Naruto and the blond couldn't help but to whine in protest. He liked being kissed, damn it!

"You little cry baby," Sasuke mumbled with his lips still brushing over Naruto's, "I'm sorry if I prefer making out indoors than outdoors."

"Why's that?" Naruto asked. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him--- he knew the reason, he was just trying to distract the Uchiha from his goal of reaching their apartment without any incidents.

"Because outdoors, anyone can watch and we can catch a cold. Indoors at least we have some privacy and we can't catch colds. Unless _someone_ forgets to turn on the heating and the apartment is freezing and then we step out of the hottest shower in history of the world." Naruto blushed at the accusation, "That only happened to us once…"

"Twice," Sasuke corrected, "In a row."

The blush on the other boy's cheeks turned a deeper shade. "Okay, twice in a row. But those were the only times! Besides, indoors I can't show the world you're mine and only mine like I can outdoors!"

"Who the fuck are you gonna show your love to tonight? It's four in the morning! The only people awake are drunkards and freaks!"

"Then I'll show the drunkards and freaks they can't rape you because you have me--- a hot badass with jealousy issues!"

"Yeah, like they care." The Uchiha rolled his eyes sarcastically, but there was something amused about his tone of voice.

"Besides," Naruto's grin had a perverted edge to it now, "We've never had sex in a dark alley."

"And we never will." Sasuke deadpanned. "And don't you remember when we were coming back from Oto you gave me a speech about how our relationship wasn't all about sex and you made me promise to never let you molest me? This is molestation."

The blond growled.

"How many times are you gonna use that against me?"

"As many times as it's needed."

* * *

**(1)** Yes, Kushina doesn't know all about the Fugaku/Mikoto/Minato deal either! xD For a long time I thought she had but turns out she hasn't heard!

**A/N: **I know, shitty ending. For some reason it felt like a good place to stop, for as I wrote this I like, regained my faith on ROE and got this bout of inspiration for next chapter :P You can thank KrazyNaoko on that! If she hadn't sent me to write and if I wasn't so curious about Ramiro and Joaquin ---one day I'll know!--- this chapter wouldn't be here today. Crazy, uh? But anyway, there's a little bit of love between Naruto and Sasuke, who were feeling a little abandoned!

**---Not Really Yours**


	7. Sorry

After you read this, you probably want to kill me--- you're welcome to, because I wanna die.

So here's the thing: I own two computers, alright? One has Internet, while the other one doesn't. Due to many different circumstances, I had to write everything in the one without Internet, then put it in my pendrive, and take it to the other computer to upload. It wasn't really that annoying to do or anything, only risky. Because you see, apparently the computer with no Internet has a virus ---no Internet, no protection, and I was too lazy to get one D:--- that went completely undetected into the other computer. And then a while after my last update, both computers simultaneously crashed.

This is the part where you are in the verge of killing me: everything in both computers was deleted.

I have tried almost everything to get everything back, and partially, I have succeeded. Don't ask me how, I'm not sure myself. In one of the things I got back was ROE's last file and I planned to take it up from there... But then I sat in front of it and stared at it for hours and hours and hours.

And nothing came out.

This is when you want to kill me: I don't have it in me to continue ROE. The wish to do so is there, but it's not nearly as strong enough as it once was, when neither heaven nor hell could stop me from writing. With a reason to stop in the form of my computers, I stopped. I can't continue. And I'm really really really sorry.

The story is up for adoption. If you think you can continue it, or re-write it, or whatever, just do it.

And once again, I'm sorry.


End file.
